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Communication: The Marriage Deal-maker or Deal-breaker

God’s plan for marriage was never for partners to merely enjoy each other’s company or to simply endure to the end, but to see love grow and bear fruit. Truth is relationships end when partners stop having those real, honest conversations that couples often had at the beginning of a relationship, but which naturally fade over time. The key is to not let that fading turn into never having the conversations necessary for marriage growth.

Bad communication doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is over. There is always hope (with the possible exception of physical or domestic abuse). A great number of relationships have the possibility of being saved, if both partners are committed to working it out.

Good communication either makes or breaks most marriages. Although two individuals have different levels of communication skills, communication CAN be learned. Improve your marriage relationship now by putting these Communication Tips for a Deal-maker (and not Deal-breaker) Marriage to work:


1. Stop, Look and Listen: We’re often so afraid of not being heard, we rush to keep talking. Ironically, this behavior makes it all the more possible we won’t be heard. Similarly, most of our communication isn’t in what we say, but how we say it. Reading your spouse’s nonverbal signals takes time and patience, but the more you do it, the more attuned you will be to what they’re really saying.

2. Force Yourself to Hear: There are times that you’ve stopped talking for the moment, but inside your head you’re still thinking of all the things you want to say. Still, you’re not really hearing what is being said. Rephrasing what a person has just said helps to let the person know you’re listening. You can also communicate in other ways — through your actions, or through email, Facebook, texting, etc.. These ways can cause you to fully hear your partner and act as a buffer between escalating emotions.

3. Be Open and Honest with Your Partner: Little lies turn into big lies. Pretending everything is alright isn’t alright. And giving your partner the silent treatment is about as useful as a fish out of water.

4. Stay Focused In the Here and Now: Sometimes discussions turn into arguments that can morph into everything under the sun and the kitchen sink. Keep the discussion (or argument) focused to the topic at hand. While it’s easy to get in the cheap shots or bring up everything that supports your case, don’t.

5. Try to Minimize Emotion when Talking about Important, Big Decisions: Nobody can talk about important matters if they feel emotionally vulnerable or charged-up and angry. When you’re experiencing those charged emotions, table the conversation for another time. Instead, try doing something fun or lighthearted that might lighten everyday frustrations and put things into perspective.

6. Be Ready to Let Go of an Argument: Often times we continue to argue or have a heated discussion because we simply want to be right. The need to win the debate should not be your motive. Backing down a bit shows you respect the other person’s feelings; it’s not just about you.

No one is a perfect communicator; the process takes time but you must start somewhere. Make the effort to improve how you communicate; it may encourage your spouse to make more of an effort also.The goal of marriage is to ultimately glorify God through our communication, deeds and relationships, demonstrating the love of Christ to the world.

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I believe being ready to let go of an argument is very important. This will help to allow the communication to not become stagnant. Dr. Serrano

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